Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret is celebrated for its honest portrayal of growing up. First periods, awkward crushes and the desperate desire to fit in are all handled with the kind of understanding that made the 1970 novel a coming-of-age classic.

While Margaret Simon’s friendship with Nancy Wheeler might seem like a quintessential childhood friendship, there’s another side to their relationship that’s worth revisiting. Nancy is confident, outspoken and determined to be the most grown-up girl in the room, but she can also be controlling, judgemental and surprisingly careless with other people’s feelings. The 2023 film adaptation brings those qualities to life, too, making us wonder whether Margaret’s first new friend was quite the blessing she initially appeared to be.

1. She Comments on Margaret’s Body Almost Immediately

Imagine meeting your new neighbour and having her immediately draw attention to your developing body. That’s essentially what happens when Margaret meets Nancy in the novel. As the girls change into their swimsuits, Nancy points out that Margaret is still flat-chested, then proceeds to boast about her own development.

It’s an uncomfortable introduction, especially when you consider how self-conscious Margaret already feels about growing up. She’s eleven years old and trying to find her feet in a new neighbourhood, yet one of her first experiences with her new friend involves being made aware of what her body hasn’t done yet. Nancy might simply be showing off, as plenty of children do, but that doesn’t make the comment any less thoughtless.

The scene also establishes a pattern that runs throughout their friendship: Nancy treats physical development as a marker of maturity, and Margaret quickly starts comparing herself to her new friend.

2. She Makes Friendship Feel Like Something You Have to Qualify For

Nancy doesn’t just invite Margaret into her social circle; she sets the rules. Her secret club, the Four PTSs (Pre-Teen Sensations), comes with expectations about what its members should wear and how they should behave. The girls must wear bras to meetings, and Nancy even warns Margaret against wearing socks to school because people might think she’s a baby.

Secret clubs are meant to feel exclusive but Nancy’s rules also turn belonging into something Margaret has to earn by proving she’s grown-up enough. Margaret wants to be accepted so badly that she’s willing to follow instructions that make her feel awkward, including asking her mum to buy her a bra partly mainly because it’s required for Nancy’s club.

Nancy might not realise how much influence she has over her new friend, but she certainly enjoys being the one who decides what’s acceptable.

3. She Isn’t Above Making Other Girls Feel Insecure, Either

Margaret isn’t the only girl who finds herself on the receiving end of Nancy’s comments. At one of the Four PTSs’ meetings in the novel, Nancy questions Gretchen about how much weight she’s gained after Gretchen reaches for several biscuits. It’s a small moment, but it reveals a more cruel and judgemental side of Nancy’s personality.

The girls are at an age when their bodies are changing unpredictably, and none of them has much experience navigating those changes. Rather than creating an environment where they can feel comfortable about that uncertainty, Nancy introduces another reason for them to worry about how they look.

Nancy is hardly immune to these insecurities herself but she’s desperate to seem mature and worries about being left behind, too. When a friend makes another girl self-conscious about eating or her appearance, she’s adding to the very anxieties they should be helping each other navigate.

4. She Expects Her Friends to Share Her Crushes

The four girls don’t just discuss boys; they keep Boy Books, ranking the boys they fancy. That might sound like an amusingly innocent childhood ritual, but Nancy’s influence makes the exercise more complicated than it needs to be.

Nancy has a crush on Philip Leroy, and Margaret begins to suspect that the other girls put him at the top of their lists because he’s Nancy’s favourite, rather than because they genuinely like him. Margaret herself has a crush on Moose, but she’s reluctant to admit it because Nancy doesn’t approve of him.

It’s a great example of how a controlling or dominant personality can shape a friendship group. The girls are supposed to be sharing their feelings, yet Margaret doesn’t feel entirely free to be honest about hers. Instead of enjoying her own crush, she worries about whether it will meet Nancy’s approval.

Having different tastes from your friends is normal but a friendship becomes exhausting when you feel you have to edit your opinions to keep the peace. Nancy may not exactly forbid Margaret from liking someone but her strong opinions are enough to make Margaret hesitate.

5. She Spreads Cruel Rumours About Laura Danker

The most troubling example of Nancy’s behaviour is the way she talks about Laura Danker, a classmate whose more developed body attracts plenty of attention. Nancy spreads rumours suggesting that Laura has a sexual reputation, including claims about her interactions with boys. Margaret takes these claims seriously, and they influence how she sees Laura.

The problem is that the rumours aren’t reliable. As the novel progresses, Margaret comes to understand that Nancy’s stories about Laura were false. In the meantime, Laura has been judged and ostracised by her peers on the basis of gossip rather than anything they genuinely know about her. It makes for a very uncomfortable read, it’s extreme bullying.

Nancy’s comments help turn Laura into a target, and Margaret’s willingness to believe them shows just how much influence Nancy has over her new friend. The girls are still learning how to understand bodies, sexuality and growing up, but Laura pays the price for being physically different from them.

Nancy’s behaviour here is particularly difficult to defend because it isn’t simply thoughtless boasting. It actively encourages the other girls to judge someone unfairly.

6. She Lies About Getting Her First Period

For a girl who likes to appear as though she knows everything, Nancy’s lie about getting her first period is a particularly revealing moment. Menstruation has become one of the main subjects of the girls meetings, and the they have agreed that whoever starts her period first must tell the others all about it. Being first is treated almost like a badge of honour.

Nancy claims that her period has already started, giving herself an advantage in the race to seem grown-up. However when she eventually gets her first period for real during a day trip to New York with Margaret, it’s clear that she’s experiencing it for the first time. She’s frightened, and Margaret realises that Nancy has been lying to her.

It exposes the problem with the way she approaches friendship, rather than admitting that she’s uncertain, she pretends to know more than she does. The irony is that Nancy’s lie makes her seem less grown-up, not more.

7. She Makes It Harder for Margaret to Trust Her Own Judgement

The biggest issue with Nancy’s friendship is the cumulative effect of her behaviour. Margaret is new to the neighbourhood, eager to make friends and still learning how to trust her own instincts. Nancy’s confidence makes her an appealing guide to this unfamiliar world, but it also means Margaret can end up accepting her opinions without questioning them.

She follows Nancy’s rules, worries about whether she’s growing up quickly enough. She also believes Nancy’s stories about Laura, only to discover that they aren’t true. Taken together, these experiences show how easily a friendship can begin to shape not just what someone does, but how they see other people and themselves.

The 2023 film adaptation captures the complicated balance between the girls’ affection for one another and the pressures within their friendship. Nancy isn’t presented as a straightforward villain; she’s a child trying to navigate the same uncertainties as Margaret. Her confidence and forceful personality can make her influence difficult to resist.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret understands that growing up can make even the closest friendships complicated, particularly when everyone is desperate to fit in. Sometimes the hardest lesson is learning that you don’t have to let your friends decide who you should be.

Written by Siân Alison

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