There was a time when leaving the house meant you were, quite literally, leaving the house. Nobody knew exactly where you were or expected an immediate reply. If you went out with friends, you could spend several hours completely unreachable and nobody thought anything of it, it was normal and somehow we all survived.

For millennials, the transition from a mostly offline childhood to a permanently connected adulthood happened really quickly. We went from landlines and answering machines to mobile phones, MSN Messenger, social media, smartphones and group chats. Technology has made life easier in many ways, but it has also created an expectation that we should always be available 24/7.

Remember when you could just disappear for the day?

If you went out when you were younger, your parents might have had a rough idea of where you were or what you were doing, but they couldn’t track your location on a map or send you a message every twenty minutes.

You could go to a friend’s house, wander around town or spend the afternoon at the shops without anyone expecting regular updates. If plans changed, you just figured it out. Today, it can feel strange to leave the house without your phone, even for a short time. We’re so used to having everything within reach that being genuinely unreachable can feel almost uncomfortable or irresponsible.

Before messaging apps, there was no pressure to reply immediately and someone couldn’t see that you’d read their message and then wonder why you hadn’t replied. If someone called your landline and you weren’t home, they just tried again later. There was no notifications telling them that you’d seen their message in the morning and were now apparently ignoring them.

Even mobile phones initially felt more like a useful way to contact someone than a permanent communication channel. You could receive a text, read it and get back to the person when you had time. We’ve somehow gone from “I’ll call you later” or “I text you back soon” to feeling guilty for not replying within ten minutes.

Another surprising thing to think about is that social plans weren’t documented. Going out with friends didn’t automatically mean taking photographs, uploading them, creating stories and checking who had reacted or seen it. There was nothing saying where you’d been, no notifications telling you that someone had tagged you and no temptation to check what everyone else was doing while you were supposed to be enjoying yourself.

It was actually nice having memories that existed only in your own head rather than being photographed, posted and potentially forgotten among hundreds of other pictures. You also weren’t constantly reminded about everyone else’s lives or comparing yourself to other people who seemed to be having more fun than you.

Before social media, you could go through an entire day without knowing what your old school friend was having for lunch, where your former colleague had gone on holiday or what someone you’d haven’t spoken to in ten years thought about the latest movie in the cinema.

Today, we’re exposed to tiny updates from dozens or even hundreds of people every day. Even when we’re perfectly happy with our own lives, it’s difficult not to compare them occasionally with the carefully, overly positive selected versions we see online.

Another big biggest difference was that boredom actually existed. There was nowhere to turn whenever you were bored. You couldn’t automatically reach for your phone and scroll through an endless stream of videos, online shopping, messages and news. You might have watched television, listened to music, read a magazine or found something to do without relying on screens.

Obviously technology is very advanced and it and we shouldn’t return to a world without technology but, there was something valuable about occasionally having nothing to do. Boredom gave your brain space to wander. It gave you time to daydream, think, get creative, go outside and do something and occasionally discover that you were capable of entertaining yourself.

Modern communication makes it difficult to be unavailable without feeling that you need to justify it to friends and family. If you don’t answer a message, someone might wonder where you are. If you don’t respond in a group chat, you might eventually get another message asking if you’ve seen the previous one. Family might start to worry but sometimes you aren’t busy, you might just not don’t feel like talking and that should be allowed.

Maybe we need to be unavailable sometimes

Technology isn’t the enemy, being able to instantly contact someone we love, navigate somewhere unfamiliar, order something online or find information within seconds is genuinely useful. However, we’ve become so accustomed to being connected that we’ve forgotten how nice it can be to disconnect.

It is incredibly peaceful putting your phone down and not checking it for a while. You don’t have to know what everyone else is doing or have to answer every message immediately. Sometimes you can just go for a walk, watch a film, drink a coffee, read a book or stare out of the window without having to tell everyone where you are.

Written by Siân Alison

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