When I’m having a bad day or I’m stressed, my choice of television can sometimes seem completely irrational. You might expect me to reach for something cheerful, comforting or easy to watch but I often find myself doing the complete opposite.

I’ll put on a horror film, a disturbing crime documentary or an episode of a programme about somebody else’s life falling apart, and somehow I feel a little better afterwards. It doesn’t immediately make sense because if I’m already anxious or upset why would I deliberately expose myself to something frightening or upsetting? Surely the logical choice would be a sitcom, a light-hearted film or something guaranteed to make me smile.

I suspect I’m not the only person who does this. There is something comforting about choosing what to watch when you are already feeling emotionally uncomfortable. The subject matter might be dark, but the experience itself is controlled. You know when you can switch it off, you know that the people on the screen aren’t actually part of your life and probably just characters in a movie. I find my anxiety doesn’t feel as bad when you are watching something more horrific than your bad day.

When somebody else’s chaos becomes a distraction

One of the reasons I find disturbing documentaries particularly absorbing when I’m having a bad day is that they demand my attention. When you’re watching somebody else’s crisis unfold, there is very little room left in your head for whatever has been bothering you. Your thoughts actually have somewhere to go instead of ruminating over what’s bothering you.

You become interested in what is happening on the screen, what might happen next and how the situation is going to resolve itself. Your own problems haven’t disappeared, but you’ve temporarily stepped outside them. Instead of endlessly going over the same thoughts in your head, you’re following somebody else’s story and thinking about what you would do in their situation.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re trying to escape your emotions. Sometimes you simply need a break from being inside them. The fear in the movie can be easier because you know where it is coming from

Real-life anxiety can be vague, if like me, you might know that you feel unsettled or upset without being able to identify exactly what would make you feel better. A horror film is different as it gives fear a face, a sound and a storyline. You know what you’re frightened of, and you know that the film will eventually end. That doesn’t make the fear less intense while you’re watching it, but it makes it contained. You are now experiencing someone else’s anxiety and forget about yours for a while.

The monster or disaster is on the screen, the music is telling you when something frightening is about to happen. The credits will eventually roll and you can turn on the lights and return to your ordinary life. It makes sense because real life doesn’t doesn’t always offer that kind of neat ending.

There are also days when being upset creates a strange emotional numbness. You aren’t necessarily looking for something happy; you just want to feel something that isn’t the vague, uncomfortable emotion you’ve been carrying around all day. A frightening film can make your heart race or a disturbing serial killer documentary can make you angry or shocked. Watching something completely unrelated to your own life can feel like releasing emotions that have been building up elsewhere..

Other people’s problems can put our own into perspective

There is probably a slightly uncomfortable element to this as well. Watching a programme about someone experiencing an extremely difficult situation can make your own problems seem smaller by comparison. That doesn’t mean your problems aren’t real, and it certainly doesn’t mean other people’s suffering should be used simply to make yourself feel better but perspective is a powerful thing.

Sometimes seeing somebody else’s life presented in a completely different context reminds you that the world is much bigger than whatever has consumed your thoughts that day or week. You might switch off the television still having the same problem, but somehow it no longer feels like the only thing that exists and there is comfort in knowing you’re not the only one who struggles

Disturbing programmes can also remind us that human beings are complicated. People make terrible decisions, become addicted and experience trauma. They make mistakes and sometimes create enormous problems for themselves and the people around them. Watching these stories can be uncomfortable, but it can also be strangely reassuring. This reminds us that everyone has something going on that you don’t know about. That can be comforting on a day when you feel as though you’re the only person struggling.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely understand why a disturbing documentary or horror film can occasionally be more comforting to me than something cheerful when I’m having a bad day but it probably isn’t as strange as it sounds.

Our emotional needs are complicated and don’t always follow the obvious rules. Happiness isn’t necessarily the only emotion we seek when we’re struggling, sometimes we want distraction and maybe we want to be frightened in a situation where we know we’re safe. After a difficult day, there is something reassuring about turning on the television and entering somebody else’s strange, frightening or completely chaotic world for a couple of hours.

You can become absorbed in their story, forget about your own for a while, and eventually return to it feeling just a little more capable of dealing with whatever was waiting for you. That’s why, sometimes on some of our worst days, the last thing we want to watch is something comforting.

Written by Siân Alison